all ready...not yet

Last week I got the "all hands on deck" call, also known as the "rally the troops" call. You know, the one that says she's dying today, come hell or high water, and if you want to see her, you'd best get your booty here. So I arrived in Athens late Sunday night (really Monday morning) and made my way out to Hospice House, which is nothing short of a miracle place. And there I saw my grandmother, who is sick and dying, but not today. And not this week. Probably not this month. I mean--who knows for sure, but they're already looking at discharging her from the Hospice back to the Nursing Home (which kinda sucks just because Hospice is soooo much nicer).

Today was hard. She spent hours just screaming. I suspect it is the dementia coupled with pain. I was exhausted watching her--she must have been just plain exhausted. I went back tonight and watched Dancing with the Stars and the Real Housewives of New York City while she snored away. It was kinda nice and quiet.

In the morning I head back to Chicago. I'll get off the plane, get my car and drive to work for our Wednesday Night program and Eucharist. And my life will return to normal. And I feel so strange leaving. I had an agenda when I arrived--it was to say goodbye to my grandmother. And I have done that. But it wasn't like I pictured it would be--not some moment of her recognizing me and then sighing a last deep sigh, giving up the ghost. Instead it was full of screaming and confusion and good colouring. The woman is strong--she would squeeze my hand and she's got a grip on her that is unbelievable. She's not done yet. She's working this on her time schedule and no one knows just exactly what that schedule is.

So the limbo land begins. I've never been very good at the limbo of life. I guess I'll learn.